I have recently listened to a lecture about philosophy, where Prof. Patrick Grim gave an overview of the history of philosophy and science. The most interesting part for me, though, was his point of view (shared with many of his peers) on how people think, the evolution and the understanding of our thought processes. It brought to my mind the subject of Patterns we commonly use in communication with others.

Our ability to jump into conclusions after hearing the first part of our interlocutor utterance has always amazed me. Do you remember, from your own life, situations like this when: someone begins talking to you about something, and after the second or third sentence, you stop listening since your whole attention goes into your own response. Thinking in patterns we presume what this person will say and start to build an intelligent response. Our response, unfortunately, not always IS intelligent, since we can possibly miss some important points our converser made.

Thinking in patterns makes us not listen to the whole story that our children want us to hear, when they present their position on some issues (i.e. at school). But, of course, we do not need to listen, since we know better, we already know how it was, we are older and more “experienced” (which means in reality PATTERNS). So, we blame the child, make a big deal from something that does not have to be so big or so hard.

Very often patterns in thinking make us hurt the feelings of others. On the other hand, when someone else “jumps” into conclusions based on their patterns and do not give OUR story enough attention, we feel deeply offended, we argue and are ready to fight for our truth!

Patterns are common to us and as long as we will not control our mind, which will allow us to avoid running on “automatic pilot”, we will be more like marionettes then conscious human beings. It is possible, and even not that hard, to catch the moment when patterns begin to take effect and stop it. Then make a conscious choice to listen and analyze the statement presented and only then – response.

The awareness of patterns and the ability to avoid them is the key to success in all relationships, including all business endeavors.